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Thursday, June 3, 2010

go shortie, it's your birthday

New Zealand has its very own soap which has been on air for 18 years now - Shortland Street. It's the sort of show that hooks you if you get into it, but you just know you Must Not, because it's so ridiculously bad. (Having said that, I do kind of approve of the fact that there is SOMETHING reliable for New Zealand actors to get a job in. And I feel a kind of affection for the embarrassment that is Shortland Street.)

Recently one of the women's mags, New Idea, ran a feature on Shortland Street and its eighteen years of weddings, babies, and end-of-year cliffhangers. I thought this was absolutely and accidentally hilarious and wanted to share some with you.

Mihi walked in on her (then married) mother Te Hana kissing Geoff. Nick declared his love for Waverley and asked her to come to the UK with him. And Barb’s Christmas party turned to tragedy when Marshall’s illegal drug lab exploded. In another storyline, could Chris save Rachel from Jack, the disappointed suitor who had kidnapped her?
Another storyline? Did I miss the way the first three sentences melded together into tight, seamless plot?

The 2009 marriage of Gerald and Morgan was a surprise in more than one way. Not only was Gerald asexual and Morgan pregnant with triplets for another couple, the unlikely duo got married at the wedding rehearsal with only Chris and Libby as witnesses.
Such a shame the marriage didn't last.

A cliffhanger in every sense, 2000’s finale saw evil Eamon begging for his life as he dangled from a cliff. Would his rape victim Kate pull him up?
I really really hope they always referred to Evil Eamon as Evil Eamon.

After six months of murder and mayhem, Ferndale’s serial killer was finally revealed as likeable nurse Joey. Would Tania be going the same way as Claire, Meg, Jay, Beth and Brenda after Joey cornered her with an IV line?
.... to strangle her with???

The staff decided to take their Christmas party to the beach. Tania continued to struggle with self-doubt and her mistrust of Mark, while a volleyball game between Craig and TK turned personal as they battled for Sarah’s affections.
Some choose swords, some choose duelling pistols... Craig and TK choose a volleyball.

Alison Raynor and Chris Warner planned to marry in 1993. On the eve of the big day Darryl Nielson drugged Chris and locked him in a barn. A devastated Alison left the country.
In a BARN?!

Judy Brownlee found love with Max Henley. They were blissfully happy until they found out Max had a brain tumour. They married at his hospital bed, and Max died moments later.
Literally, moments.

When mad Jack Hewitt was dumped by Rachel McKenna, he kidnapped her and forced her to wear a wedding dress – taking part in a mock ceremony. Chris Warner arrived in the nick of time, and Jack threw himself in front of a car.
I could write a ballad about this and warble it loudly beside a billabong while playing a banjo.

The 2010 marriage of Sophie McKay and Kieran Mitchell was controversial in more ways than one. Not only was the bride only 18, but Kieran had killed Morgan and was framing Rachel McKenna.
We've got Evil Eamon and Mad Jack Hewitt - how about Cunning Kieran?

Waverley Wilson and bad boy Fergus Kearney were an unlikely couple, but they made it to the altar in 2001. Before they could exchange vows the police busted in – and Fergus fled!
I love it how the police can be depended on to bust in at the most inappropriate moments.

1 comment:

Sarakastic said...

I especially like the thinking behind My boyfriend is locked in a barn I'm leaving the country