hunting of a different kind

So it's been a while since I updated you. Last time, I almost had a job. This time, I definitely have it, and I'm starting next week! Can't deny I'm a little bit nervous, but I'm also looking forward to it. I will be working in a research and writing capacity for a government department concerned with the consequences of the earthquake in Christchurch and the rebuild. Doing what I love (research, writing) and feeling like it's actually practical - a winning combination for me! I just hope I don't make any really stupid mistakes in the early weeks.

In other news, we are spending this week flat-hunting - my last week of freedom plus my other flatmate is on holiday. We will be leaving our current flat when the lease ends in a month or so as it is quite big (5 bedrooms to fill) and some of us are keen for a smaller place in a different part of town.

We visited a potential flat yesterday that has so many flaws but I am addicted to the idea of it already! I will explain.

It's on the hills overlooking Christchurch.

After parking your car, you need to walk up a little path like this one, for about a minute. (So yeah, it is inconvenient when moving in, or at night, et cetera - but oh so romantic!)

The house is a 1920s villa a little like this one (but it is almost entirely white).

It is surrounded by trees and bush like this one. There is a little grassy area at the top of the section, with a clothesline and sweeping views of the city, and it feels like you're in an oasis from the modern world, even though you're actually surrounded by other houses.

There are bay windows throughout the house.

There is a sun room and a lounge, dining room and bedrooms with amazing views.

This would be the view during the night.

This would be a view during the day - except that it would be much more sweeping, and you could see all the way to the sea.

It might be cold in winter. The kitchen is quite dated. It's an old house and is likely to have mice. But on the other hand it's affordable, there's HEAPS of space, the landlord seems excellent and he seemed to like us, there will be a new kitchen, and despite the fact that the weather was horrid yesterday the house felt warm, even though its new owners have not yet installed any heating. (They will be doing so.)

We left the house so excited. But completely aware of its problems. Are now waiting for a quote from a moving company for our bigger items, as we have no hope whatever of moving them in ourselves. We think we'll have a cooling-down period and see other houses before we apply... but I can't imagine feeling quite as much in love with any other home!!

boys boys boys

A while ago, my flatmates and I sat down with pen and paper and hummed/hahed over a list of the attributes of the perfect man - or, more accurately, the sort of man we could see ourselves marrying. (Funnily enough, one of my flatmates got engaged the next week! This was not solely because of the list-making but we flatter ourselves it had something to do with it.)

After we'd laughed at ourselves a little, we took it quite seriously and each produced a list. I'll share mine with you now. I've actually blogged about this once before, on my old blog, but the list has changed a little (although in some ways it has stayed the same).

Each of us chose some qualities that were non-negotiable and some that were more negotiable. I suspect that some of our non-negotiables are actually less important than we think... but I will reproduce my list exactly as it was, for the sake of posterity.

Non-negotiables

(a) Christian, with a similar sense of mission, without making me feel too imperfect
As I said last time, this isn't always a black and white issue for everyone, but for me it is. I want someone who takes their faith seriously. However, I don't want to marry someone I look up to in awe of their faith in comparison to mine, as I would start feeling insecure.

(b) similar sense of humour
This is very important, I think.

(c) tallish; attraction; a sense of physical security
i.e. not too weedy

(d) someone I can respect, whose opinions I value
For a while, I could be with someone with whom I disagreed on any fundamental level or who seemed unwise. Eventually, I would inevitably end up looking down on him, and it would make for a very unhealthy relationship.

(e) someone I can trust and feel comfortable with
Fairly obvious.

(f) someone who really really likes me!
This is something that really stands out in my flatmate's relationship with her fiancé. He just adores her. It's lovely. Everyone knows they won't always FEEL "in love" with each other's most annoying qualities, etc., but you have to know that there is that foundation. At least, I do.

(g) someone with a similar sense of empathy and social integrity
I'm not saying I overflow with charitable giving as much as I should, but I would like to be in a marriage in which we could challenge each other to think outward in this way. I don't want to marry someone who always wants a bigger house and more cars. I want to be self-conscious about what we need and what we think we need.

(h) not too moody

(i) likewise, mental and emotional toughness - calm under pressure

(j) someone who listens

Qualities that are preferable, but negotiable

(k) values children and family, and is liked by my family

(l) musical or likes music
I've always fantasised about going to awesome concerts, etc., of all kinds, with The Boy.

(m) not too sporty
This may seem a little silly, but I've noticed that sporty people seem to want their girlfriends to be just like them. Not going to happen.

(n) exotic or pleasant accent
Okay, so this is more than a little silly :)

(o) someone who is a good at being handy around the house, and will deal with gross things
This has become even more important after living in an all-girl flat, feeling foolish every time our landlord has to fix something that boys would have been able to fix by themselves in three seconds.

(p) social, hospitable and outward-looking
Yes, I'm an introvert at heart, but I like being with other people. I like strong friendships and I think it's important to keep these up after getting married. I also like the idea of having a welcoming and open home.

(q) someone who can appreciate personal space
OK, so as I just said, I like being with other people. But. There is a point when I just want some alone-time. I hope that if I get married my husband can appreciate that.

What are your negotiables and non-negotiables?

quoting

Over the last two and a half years, I've flatted with about ten or eleven people altogether, which seems a lot now that I've thought about it. I've flatted with two of those people the entire time, and we're a pretty tight unit, so I hadn't realised there had been seven or eight others.

We've always had a quote wall up in our flats, to capture moments of unintentional humour and potential embarrassment. I thought I'd share some of them with you today. Most have been taken completely out of context. Unnamed, because I don't want to share my flatmates' names, and this is a great excuse to avoid indicating which ones are mine!

"The chicken is soft and tender like a love song."

"Did I tell you the story about when I was in the oven the other day?"

"It screens in 120 countries."
"120?! That's like 60 times two!"

"No, no, not the chicken!"
"I did not want to have to resort to this. I am afraid you leave me no other option."

(Re: guys) "They all just want me for my body."

"I've listened to this music for so long that I could go put on a bonnet."

"No one's that beautiful in real life."
"Of course they are! I have to look at it in the mirror every day."

"If Jesus was in a fairy tale, he would slay the dragon."

(Struggling with a bean bag) "I feel like a whale trying to get out of the sea."

"[Unnamed] kisses like a ravenous wildebeest."

"He likes goats."
"Wow, so much potential for seducing him."

X: "Allie failed at picking up ... (long pause) ... cabbage."
Y: "X failed at remembering what cabbage is."

(After hearing Adam Lambert sing Led Zeppelin) "I'm so jaded. I've heard it all before."

"He could carve my roast any day!"

(telling a story) "So, I used my intelligentness..."

"In all seriousness now..."
"I know. We never joke about dinner."

X: "It's zero, not oh."
Y: "Spot the pedantic person!"
Z: "Spot the pedant."

"I can't be friends with you anymore, I'm a boyfriended woman."

"Is it just me or is the internet slow?"
"No, you're slow too."

"Let's go shopping! Let's get dinner! Let's watch North & South!"
"Let's jump up and down and squeal!"

------

:)

We have fun.

light and dark

I astonished myself today with a sudden lightning strike of self-knowledge. I am becoming a big GRUMP.

Perhaps this is my way of responding to the earthquakes. Other people get frightened or emotional; I get annoyed at the people around me and develop a tendency towards reclusiveness and become furious if anyone should dare to interrupt my solitude. And then I get angry at myself for being like this.

On the other hand, I have had some lovely things happen lately.

First, about a week ago my flatmate A. got engaged. This is very, very exciting and lovely. I have lived with A. for two and a half years and so I have seen the entire story and I am SO happy for them. It's also very exciting that we are going to be involved in all the preparation and get an inside point of view (this might not be everyone's cup of tea but I LOVE HELPING TO ORGANISE THINGS).

Secondly, last night I got to feel a baby in utero for the first time ever. As I already have twelve nieces and nephews I don't know how it got this far without having done this, but my sister J. is having a baby anytime now and yesterday I got to feel one of the baby's legs, still inside my sister, kicking around and squirming.

What a strange, bizarre, alien, miraculous, happy thing. Life is good.

two desperate people

We are looking for a flatmate - (on that topic, does anyone know anyone who would be willing to move to Christchurch, New Zealand simply to help us pay our rent?) - and we're getting kind of desperate. Yesterday was yet another example, however, that we should trust our instincts and not sign ourselves up to living with crazy people for a whole year!

Someone, let's call him "Ashley", rang me up about our flat a week or two ago. We chatted about thrilling things like how much rent is, when bond needs to be paid, how much money we each put in for electricity, et cetera.

I didn't get the best vibe despite the boringness of the conversation and, anyway, we've pretty much decided we want a female flatmate.

Then yesterday I got a call from Ashley again. I'd forgotten to let him know about our decision, so I apologised and explained.

Ashley: "I actually really like living with girls."

Allie: "Oh, right."

Ashley: "Yeah, as long as no one starts liking each other, that makes it really awkward, and as long as there's no crazy bitchiness, living with girls is great."

Allie: "Hm, well, I'll talk to my flatmates, but I think we've definitely made our decision."

Ashley: "Oh." (sudden flirtatious voice) "Well, are you single?"

Allie (too surprised to lie): "Uh, yes."

Ashley: "Are you looking for a boyfriend?"

Allie (baldly): "No."

Ashley: "Are you sure? You see, I'm single, and I'm really just looking for a partner right now."

Allie: "No, sorry, I'm not on the market."

Ashley: "Well, I wouldn't say anything like that about you, it's not very respectful of women, but I understand. Bye!"

Huh?!

happy new year

I normally put on a very sceptical face when it comes to New Year. This year, however, I decided to make some resolutions. For the first time in a long time, I do not know how I will be spending the year. I will finish my thesis sometime before the end of March, and suddenly there will be a big blank emptiness I will have to fill. So I've decided that I might need some actual goals, so that I can actually move forward.

1. I want to do the Routeburn Track (3 days long, one of NZ's Great Walks) before the end of next summer. I did the first couple hours of this at the start of 2009 (pictured below) and it's just beautiful. It will take a bit of preparation - gear, companions, travel, fees, fitness - but this is why I need to start thinking about it now!


2. In terms of general being-a-better-person stuff: I want to complain less. Especially in the flatting environment. It's very easy to start complaining about someone or something, and not so easy to stop.

3. Get a job that is not completely unrelated to the skills I have acquired over the last six years (sigh) of study.

4. Figure out some things. Do I want to do a PhD or not? Do I want to be anything in particular?

5. Get writing again. Creative writing.

6. Move forward in some way. I do not want 2011 to be a year of being stagnant.

2010

Last year, around this time, I wrote a blog post about the wonderful year I had just had. And 2009, for me, was wonderful. This year... not so much. I thought for a moment about writing all the things that annoyed me about 2010, and then decided that would be very painful for you to read. So here is my list of good things about 2010 that I decided it would do me good to remember. The funny thing is ... there turned out to be more of them than I thought. Huh. That taught me a lesson.

1. I started the year with a lovely, although brief, time with the family. All of my siblings were in Christchurch at some point over the summer, and there was even one day when we were all in town at the same time. This is rare, and precious!

2. I have good friends, and I have made new ones this year. Some of them got married, or engaged. One of my best friends returned last week after fifteen months abroad. The last time I saw her was in Poland. It's really good to have her back.

3. Finally, after several years of wanting to do this, I ran a singalong Sound of Music! I put a ridiculous amount of work into it because I was so ridiculously excited, and it was worth every hour spent painting recognisable scenes from the movie. A bunch of people came who were as ridiculously excited as we were, and a good time was had by all.

4. Slowly, I've been coming to terms with my thesis. I have felt, at times during this year, painfully stupid. I've felt like I've been losing control of it, that I'll never get it figured out, let alone finished. It's not finished yet. But that's getting closer. And I'm figuring it out. I have much more of a handle on the things I am arguing and writing about.
Perhaps, pain has been gain. Perhaps I can do anything?

5. Four issues of Halfway Down the Stairs in 2010, marking five years of publication. I wasn't sure if we were going to make it on the last two without our web design expert, who had to leave our editing team - but I think we have made it! I'm loving the way the 'zine is going. I'm very proud of it.

6. 2010 was the year of Tuesdays-with-my-nieces, R. and M. I had to have part-time work this year, and I was so lucky to (a) devote one solid, single day to it instead of having to break up several days of the week, like most students, and (b) "work" a job that involved spending time with two of my favourite people. I've enjoyed Tuesdays so much. It's involved a kind of creativity that is so different to thesis-writing but has rejuvenated me for the days spent in the office thinking and reading and writing.

7. I have a new nephew, who is two weeks old. He is healthy and charming and calm, and he is a beautiful addition to the family. I can't wait to see some more of him post-Christmas!

8. I moved into a new flat this year, a flat which is lovely and which is owned by lovely landlords. That in itself was a huge improvement on 2009.

9. Said flat has not always been the warmest place to live, especially for people who can't afford much heating, which has given me a new appreciation of heat! Therefore, the onset of summer is more enjoyable than it has ever been before!

10. 2010 has been a year of beaching it up. My flatmates and I discovered at the beginning of the year that we all love swimming at the beach, love it so much that we discover our inner children. Then, later this year, I discovered the joys of bonfires on the beach and fire juggling. Below is a photo of me! Me! Spinning things around in my hands that have fire on the end of them!

11. I'm a social person, in some ways, but I can be quite shy and I freak out a little (or sometimes a lot) about certain types of social things. I don't like the thought of big parties, I don't like the thought of things where I may be expected to dance in front of people! It usually means I make excuses and get out of going to things. This year I have made much more of an effort to go to things. It means I've had more moments of anxiety than usual. It also means that I've usually ended up having more fun, getting to know people better, trying things and finding out they're not that bad.
I've hardly cured my tendency to stress out. But I've become more determined to do things despite it.
12. I got to visit the three other major cities of New Zealand - one entirely paid for by other people, one on air points, and the other for very very cheap. I had a great time in each one, and one in particular (Wellington) completely exceeded my expectations.
13. I also went away briefly, to Duvauchelles with some friends for a nice weekend, and on the Tranzalpine train across the Southern Alps. Rather beautiful and relaxing.

14. Figuring out the concept of assertion. Ask and you will be given, seek and you will find, etc. I asked some publishing companies and they have given me free books to review. Hooray! This has been part of how I started my new blog.

15. I went to the U2 concert on November 25! It was unbelievably cool.

16. So many things to be thankful for, and still this year has been a hard one. The West Coast mining tragedy and the Christchurch earthquake were the big, obvious things. The earthquakes are still coming every day. It's not that pleasant. Surely I should have got used to them? Instead I'm just getting worse.

In a less dramatic way, this year has been slightly difficult for me when it comes to worry. I don't know what I'm going to do when I finish my thesis, I haven't had much money and I have absolutely no savings, we've had to find flatmates suddenly with very little notice and are still at this moment hoping to find a flatmate within the next couple of weeks, and there have been a few personal things that have just been so very unsettling.

In a peculiar way, though, I'm glad this year has been tough. I have had to lean on God so much more. He has provided for me in completely unexpected ways and I have had to learn to trust him in a way that I never had to when everything was settled and safe. It would be nice if I could just learn a lesson and stop worrying. I know that's not going to happen. But I'm very grateful to him that the lesson has begun.

two birthdays

I went to my niece's fourth birthday party yesterday, super-excited about the present I had been working all week on for her. It is a fairy kit, for all her fairy needs:

It includes:
- a fairy playlist CD
- edible fairy toadstools
- cornflower seeds and a little pot to plant them in, to attract the cornflower fairy
- a book: "Flower Fairies of the Garden", so she can learn more about the types of fairies that will visit
- a wand. Of course.
- colouring in pages and stickers
- pink fairy dust, a miniature fairy bell, and fairy bubbles, to attract fairies
- a fairy tea set with which to welcome the fairies (in the tiny little white and pink box)
- a fairy purse.
- and finally a little book, a guide to this fairy kit.

I did go a little overboard, I have to admit. But I had so much fun. I also remembered to get a few fairy accessories for Niece-Aged-2 who understandably does not cope well with her big sister getting all the presents.

Anyway, the party was fun and included a princess bouncy castle. Niece-Now-Aged-4 loved the fairy kit but it was possibly upstaged by a Cinderella Disney Princess Barbie! The children ran around with that look of utter happiness which characterises small children's birthday parties. It was lovely.

It happened to be my birthday yesterday too. So I went straight from the four-year-old birthday party to a twenty-four-year-old birthday dinner at the Dux de Lux. It was really great and I was especially happy because a bunch of people from different areas of my life came along - old friends, university friends, church friends, etc. After dinner some of us traipsed back to our flat and I was surprised to find our living room full of 100 balloons!

Needless to say, the twenty-four-year-old birthday party soon became extremely similar to the four-year-old party. Looks of seraphic happiness, balloons flying through the air and eventually rubbed on hair and stuck to the ceiling. What is it about balloons that is so inducive of childish happiness?!

our very own installation artwork

A few days ago, we woke up to find that during the night some charming specimen of humanity had decided to chuck a bucket-full of paint over our fence. White paint was splattered all over our deck, some of the fence and also on the house itself.

This is partly ironic because I'd been feeling really positive about humanity in the few weeks leading up to this. I'd forgotten that Neanderthals still exist.

We rang our landlords as soon as we realised, figuring they would want to know. 'Do you want us to have a go at it?' we asked, knowing that five girls had no chance against sticky white paint.

'No, no,' they replied. 'We'll come round straight away.'

To be fair to them, they are absolutely fabulous and it's not every landlord that would care about their own property and their duty to their tenants the way they do. Every problem we've ever had with the house has been sorted out in record time.

It's just that when they came round, they brought with them a waterblaster to attack the paint with, and they proceeded, basically, to blow the paint from its existing spots to all other spots that hadn't already got paint on them.

Now we have white paint splashed all over our vegetables; the vegetables we've been growing all winter in the hopes of one day eating them and which have only just become edible and which are now, all, inedible. The rosemary we've been growing for over a year is covered in paint. The little miniature rose, planted in my favourite favourite pot is also now covered in paint.

Sigh.

cats and dogs

It's been raining. And raining. And raining. And hailing and snowing in some places too. In fact, Extreme Weather has been pummelling the entire South Island of New Zealand for days now. Our flat is freezing, and we have the additional pleasure of a small, furry, unwelcome guest.

My way of rising above: buying flowery gumboots.

For others, it's slightly more extreme. This is a video taken of people kayaking and surfing the torrential river Leith in Dunedin, which is a city further south from here. Bear in mind when watching it that the Leith is usually a trickle.



And speaking of raining cats and dogs, I have discovered that I love cats! Meet Zoe:


She is my sister's kitten. This photo was taken about two months ago so she is bigger now, but she is still just as cute, and she is lovable and affectionate and comes to sit on my lap and likes being stroked. When I scratch her head in just the right way she purrs, and rubs my hand with her cheek. It's adorable.

I went off cats a long time ago because I was small and incautious, and our cat liked to bite. Now, I am starting to see what I've missed out on all these years.

cakes look good on my table

I bought a table and chairs!!! And they're sooooo pretty.


FIFTY DOLLARS. $50, off TradeMe, New Zealand's version of eBay. Not bad at all, in fact a veritable bargain, and our flat looks so amazing in comparison with what it was before. I can't share a photo with you but it was pretty dire - we had an oversized DESK that was held together with duct tape. You couldn't fit your knees under it because it had random bits of wood sticking down. We had cheap folding chairs, one of which broke underneath the weight of my flatmate's not-that-heavy father, and which all looked completely different.

The only problem was transporting said table/chairs to our flat. There are two cars among the five of us but neither of them have towbars and it's not like we want to pay some professional mover more than the table cost to move it for us. A very kind friend volunteered (hooray for facebook) and so I had a very good excuse to procrastibake!

Doesn't my berry and yoghurt crumble cake look lovely on my new table??


The original recipe is for a rhubarb and yoghurt crumble cake, by an amazing Kiwi cook called Annabel Langbein. I had to use a can of berries instead because there was no rhubarb in the supermarket or in the garden of Dad, my usual supplier.

I had a look online to see if Annabel Langbein has published the written version anywhere, but I could only find the video on youtube. So here's the written version. Hopefully I don't get sued!

Berry and yoghurt crumble cake

140g (5oz) softened butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 t vanilla
3/4C plain yoghurt
3 t baking powder
1/2 t baking soda
2 cups flour
190g (7oz) berries or 3 stalks of rhubarb, thinly sliced

Topping:
1/2 cup brown sugar
4 T flour
1/2 cup slivered almonds
1 t cinnamon
60g (2oz) butter, melted

Preheat oven to 180*C (350*F). Grease 25cm springform or loose-bottomed cake tin, line base with baking paper.
Beat butter and sugar together till creamy. Add eggs, vanilla, beat well. Beat in yoghurt then add dry ingredients and stir gently to just combine. Spread into prepared tin, place berries spread out on top.
Combine topping ingredients and sprinkle over cake. Bake until golden, about 50-60 minutes. Stand 15 minutes before turning out. Allow to cool before cooking.

Yum yum! (Unfortunately I didn't get to taste it as it was for someone else, but I've had it before and it was yummo then!)

myths of flatting

When I was a teenager, I looked forward with much anticipation to the day when I could call the shots. Not that I was ever all that rebellious, nor did I smart under my parents' iron thumb. But I did look forward to flatting like it was some glorious future almost-utopia, like it was going to be like one long camping trip with friends.

I got it wrong. Unsurprising, I suppose, of any grass-is-greener hopes. And today, for my blogging audience, I will explode the myths devised in the past by my teenage mind.

When I am flatting, no one can stop me from eating exactly what I want for meals.

Ha! "Yeah right," my current self sniggers. What I eat these days is driven by forces even more influential than my mother or father.
(a) Affordability. I can't actually live on steak.
(b) Flatmates. If you share cooking with your flatmates, as I do, there's a high, high probability that your favourite foods are something they despise. One of my flatmates hates corn, a staple of the student freezer. Another hates kumara and mushrooms. Another hates onion, pineapple, chickpeas, and anything that has the slightest hint of spiciness, and doesn't really like fresh vegetables. It pains me! It pains me!

When I go flatting, I can stay up as long as I like.

I wish. Most nights, I find myself thinking "Oh, it's already 10pm. I really must get to bed. If I stay up any later I'll be exhausted tomorrow." But then I'm a weird kind of student, I have to admit.

When I'm flatting, no one can make me do chores.

Nope. I've discovered that I had it really easy when I was a kid. I had absolutely no idea how much work goes into keeping a house full of people presentable. I also discovered that it's really unpleasant living in a house in which the bathroom is uncleaned, the garden is overgrown, and the kitchen is filled with dirty dishes (besides the fact that it attracts rodents), and that it's sometimes more pleasant just to do it yourself rather than go and remind the person who's supposed to be doing it for the sixteenth time. Shock horror!

If I go flatting, I can go out at night whenever I want without having to tell my parents exactly when I will be getting home.

Ha! If I go out at night now, I generally have to beg someone for a lift home, which means I have to hang around at some event far longer than I really want to, because they are in total control. It was actually quite convenient having parents who would either lend me their car or come pick me up themselves.

Modern, middle-class homes are so bourgeois; derelict student flats are artsy and interesting.

Yeah well, that myth was exploded by my experience of the winter of 2009. I have, now, a profound appreciation of well-insulated homes with high-pressure showers and double-glazed windows.

If I can afford to go flatting, I will be rich.

HA! As outlined a few posts ago.

surviving capitalism

I used to feel like I had no money, when I was a teenager. When I started high school, I was still on about $4/week allowance; by the time I finished, I was on $10/week (besides the $20-something I earned shelving books at the local library). I went to a state-integrated school, which is basically a private school though not the ridiculously expensive type, and a lot of my friends were on a much bigger allowance.

When I started university, I was lucky enough to receive the student allowance - free money given by the New Zealand state to students whose parents didn't earn over a certain threshold - and I got a job tutoring English. Riches inconceivable!

When I went flatting (= living away from home, sharing the rent of a house with other students) last year, I was lucky enough to have, besides the student allowance, a couple of scholarships that kept me fairly well-off for a student. I mean, flip, I could afford a two-month visit to England. It's not normal, right?

Suddenly, my scholarships stopped, only the student allowance remained, and I felt the pinch.

Then, even more suddenly, my student allowance stopped, without warning.

(Don't worry, I will get it back, but it's going to take several weeks.)

This is the first time in my life that I have really felt what it's like to not have enough money, with no prospect of some cash influx in the near future that will solve all my problems. It's only been a couple of months, but I'm starting to get a glimpse of life without money. And it's not pretty.

I don't think I've ever been one of those ghastly people who, in a position of comfort themselves, idealize the poor, but I've never thought that money should define a person's life in the way it's defining me now. For the last five years of university study I've always found those students who can't wait to leave uni and go get a job very weird; I love studying, and for the last year I've said, perfectly seriously, that I am dreading having to go get a job because anything else, after self-motivated research, will be boring boring boring.

Now, I am looking forward to that glorious country, not very far off in the future, just out of reach, in which I will earn money. In which the constant anxiety I am living with right now just dissipates.

In the meantime, I will try to imprint the lesson I am learning into my brain. Which is, don't scoff money away. Don't imagine that without it you have the same opportunities/peace of mind/lack of distraction as you have with it.


In the meantime, I am trying to use opportunities like I had this morning - watching the sun rise on Easter Sunday. It was with friends, it was beautiful, it was strangely exhilarating getting up at 5.30 in the morning, and it was FREE!!!